I’m lost.
None of my friends and family would be surprised by this. They know I can hardly distinguish right from left. But the way I’m lost this time is not directional, even though I misunderstood the hotel clerk who had suggested that one of the hotel men would guide me to the cell phone store and back. I followed him there and while I waited for service, he left. I had no idea how I had gotten to the store and no idea how to get back to the hotel. No, that is not how I get lost.
It’s not because when I arrived in New Delhi airport I discovered my hotel did not have a record of my reservation. That got all sorted out in a few minutes.
It’s not because I can’t find my way on the Metro or explore an archeological site on my own.
I’m lost in quite an unexpected way. I can’t get my cell phone to work after purchasing an Indian SIM card with minutes and data. First, I can’t figure out how to activate the card (you must call from another phone after about two days). Then, I can’t make outgoing calls or text messages, although I can receive them. When I visited India last year, I had no problem whatsoever. But this first week in India has brought a new set of challenges—technological ones.
Technology is almost foreign to me as India. Add to this misunderstandings, misinformation, and a little misogyny, and you have one lost traveler.
This is not how I expected or wanted to spend my first week in India. I did not come here to make five visits to the Vodaphone store, one long Metro trip to the Apple store, two hours chatting with a VerizonWireless representative, and countless hours backing up my phone and restoring it (with no real understanding about how to do that), then adding back all my apps via very slow hotel WiFi. No, that’s not how I had hoped to spend my first week in India. Everyone had an answer, but no one knew how to help me until I spoke to a VerizonWireless global assistance help line representative who mentioned the solution in an offhand way, the last resort of the four possibilities he gave me.
I came to India to find my way into a new life “after children.” It’s been 18 months since my youngest graduated from high school, and I’m shocked to discover that all the things I thought I had lined up to fill those empty spaces pale in comparison to the importance of raising children. As a single mother for 13 years, I devoted a lot of time, effort, and love to my children with the best possible attention I had to give them. And now I am staring down the next thirty years without a clear definable purpose.
I imagine it’s a lot like retirement. You make your work your life; it’s meaningful, challenging, and fulfilling, and then you get your gold watch, and then what? People think they’ll do all the things they’ve always wanted to do, but is self-gratification a way to spend the last third of your life?
The trip to India became something of an act of desperation, a goal to focus on, and a way to mark a transition from one life to another.
This isn’t the way I ever imagined my life would take. I never imagined I would be a single mother. I never imagined I’d find my life without much meaning after my children moved on into their new lives. And I never imagined I’d spend nearly six months in India seeking whatever traveling has to offer me.
No one can really help me through this transition, although everyone has lots of helpful advice. I have no idea how long it will take, and no doubt there will be unexpected challenges ahead. But if my determination to resolve the technological phone problem is any indication (even though it took a week), there is hope.
India has already helped me begin to find my way.
A trip to India in November-December 2014 so completely stunned Debra Nicholson that she vowed to return as soon as possible. Following her nearly six months’ second trip to India, from December 2015-May 2016, which included a camel safari in the Thar Desert, volunteering at the Jaipur Literature Festival, a two-month train tour around the perimeter of the country, and Bollywood dance and Hindi classes in Delhi, she continues to post on her blog, The Laughing Camel, about her adventures.
The journey seems to be a marathon. Courage to venture and to run. Courage to “figure it out” through reflection and through process. Most of us run “from” while you forge to and through. Courage. Something for us to look to and someone to look up to. Thanks sis. Love You so much. This new year will be amazing!!
Ha ha
Finally a post.
Congratulations!
What a week!
But, so happy you were able to blog.
Looking forward to many more as you journey on.
Love you, and thinking of Elizabeth Jane.
Hugs!
Your Daddy
So glad to hear from you — Blessed Christmas to you on your wanderings — you and the Magi following a dream and hope – how fitting! Miss you and delighted to see you are navigating through it all. Did you try ‘channeling’ Dave – that usually works for me but perhaps 2000 or so miles makes the ESP connection a little slow – smiles!
Hi Debra
You are inspiring, couraegous and determined.
What a week you had. I went to the Verizon store today – one place, 1 mile from my home and it was traumatic.
I am glad you had success.
Happy days are ahead for you. Wishing you all the best – can’t wait to read more stories 😊🙃😋🙄😳
Love you, Debra, and thinking about you as you go through this transition. Self-realization, change, and facing the unknown are some of the most difficult parts of life. I agree with the fact that there is nothing compared to raising people who will eventually go out “and make a difference” in the lives of others.
Just like growing pains, or as in labor, this too will pass, and you will be blessed all the more as you discover this “you” for which you are searching, and the future that awaits you! As in raising children, you don’t have to know everything about “you” right away.
Love you
Debra, being a single mother and being successful doing it,in itself is courageous. I’ve read every word and my impression is that you ARE following your bliss. Many of us, actually I’m speaking of me, have a bucket list that will keep full, not for not wanting, but health limits me. You are so much stronger than you think. I want to be jealous of you instead I’m so happy you’re living REALLY living. Can’t wait to read more about your life’s journey. You ARE incredible. Good on you, friend. Happy New Year. 2016 is a leap year and that means it’s a women’s year – so you go girl. Safe travels Debra
Thanks Debra for posting. I am looking forward to your comments about the places that you are going to see in India. Bo and I are envious.
Greetings!
I enjoy your posts as you seem to get the essence of the experience in your writing. We spend at least the first half of our lives defining ourselves by what we do and neglect finding out who we really are.
I enjoy your posts as you eloquently capture the essence of your experience in well crafted words. We seem to spend more than half of our lives defining ourselves by what we do rather than who we are.